Country Universe has reviewed more than a thousand singles during its ten year run. Some of them have been real turkeys. Here are some of the worst, with highlights and links to the original reviews.
“Party Like Cowboyz”
Big & Rich
“Yes, from the opening cry of ‘Come on, cowboys and cowgirls, it’s time to par-tay!’ to the stupid ‘Z’ slapped onto the end of the title, this is just bad, bad, bad.” – Ben Foster
“Still a Little Chicken Left on that Bone”
Craig Morgan
“This is why I don’t even bother defending country music anymore.” – Kevin John Coyne
“The Bible and the Belt”
Due West
“All I can say is that anybody who accepts this song’s message as valid should not be allowed near children.” – Kevin John Coyne
“I Still Like Bologna”
Alan Jackson
“I really like – honky-tonk music and silly song titles – and make them seem duller than a bad Learn-To-Type program.” – Dan Milliken
“American Honey”
Lady Antebellum
“When did being able to sing reasonably well cease to be a requirement for country music?” – Kevin John Coyne
“Small Town USA”
Justin Moore
” It was clearly written solely to appeal to a demographic of people who also live in small towns and can relate to surface-level ideas like ‘everybody knows me and I know them’ and ‘give me a Sunday morning that’s full of grace’ (or in Moore’s case, ‘grA-a-A-a-A-ace’) without any further development of those ideas.” – Dan Milliken
“Online”
Brad Paisley
“What Brad’s doing here isn’t comedy. It’s sport.” – Kevin John Coyne
“Bob That Head”
Rascal Flatts
“Just when I think this group has gone as low as they possibly could, their resilience continues to baffle me.” – Leeann Ward
“Truck Yeah!”
Tim McGraw
“So ‘truck’ rhymes with… you know. Congratulations to the songwriters on having come to such a grand realization, but that still begs the question of why the world needs to hear a three and a half-minute song built around it.” – Ben Foster
Dan’s review of “The Climb” by Miley Cyrus is still my favorite in the history of this site.
https://www.countryuniverse.net/2009/03/12/miley-cyrus-the-climb/
I agree with 8/9 of these, but after four years I still haven’t figured out why so many people don’t like “American Honey”.
Good stuff. I would add Kevin’s recent review of FGL’s “Sun Daze” to this list.
I still wonder if releasing “I Still Like Bologna” didn’t halfway kill Alan Jackson’s career, commercially. He was riding high before that, but it bombed and he never had a real hit again. Of course, radio probably would’ve tossed him overboard soon enough anyway for the sin of being middle-aged and traditional, but releasing that ridiculous song maybe gave them an excuse to start ignoring him…
Quote by Andrew:
Good stuff. I would add Kevin’s recent review of FGL’s “Sun Daze” to this list.
I think anything by Florida Georgia Line would qualify for this list. As a matter of fact, anything done by anybody who engages in this kind of backslapping bro-country junk deserves whatever censure comes their way (IMHO).
Nice list, especially ‘Truck Yeah’, which was pitiful and shameful. It is a shame though that you couldn’t make room for at least one of Taylor Switft’s ‘making my lyrics up as I go’ sounding songs.
It seems like this list missed the entire bro-country movement. There is no way that “Small Town USA” and “American Honey” are worse than any bro-country song. In fact, the beauty of the music in “Small Town USA” makes it very enjoyable for me to listen to.
I liked Online when it first came out but checking my i-Tunes I see that I haven’t played any Paisley in over 2 years.
Other than “Online” these are pretty bad songs, although I can think of some turkeys
I would add swing or brown chicken brown cow to this list as well.
I agree, I don’t think american honey completely deserves to be on this list
Putting all of the “bro” country singles on this little list would just be repetitive at this point.
Quote by Leeann Ward:
Putting all of the “bro” country singles on this little list would just be repetitive at this point.
Very true.
Now that I think about it, having Big & Rich up makes it possible that they are the true progenitors of the bro-country movement, eight to ten years before this disreputable genre even had a name.
Yuck. Some godawful songs on this list for sure.
Personally, I’d replace the Moore, Lady A and Paisley songs for the likes of “Lookin’ For That Girl”, “Donkey”, “Kick It In the Sticks”, etc.
I wonder if “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk” would also fit into this segment’s 10-year criteria. That was an atrocity in and of itself (IMHO).
Part of the fun of this list was going back and finding songs I’d forgotten we’d reviewed. I think that the bro-country stuff is so current that it would be redundant to include it on a retro piece.
I agree about the Miley Cyrus review of Dan’s being a classic. I didn’t include it because I couldn’t figure out how to pull a quote from it!